What you won’t hear me say as a birth doula
You’ve probably heard some version of the following words and phrases before - from a doula, a birth class, or maybe social media. I’ve used many of them myself at some point, but they’re not part of my vocabulary anymore. Here’s why, and what I use instead.
Natural birth
This phrase can mean different things to different people - does it mean a vaginal birth? unmedicated? without vacuum or forceps? It also implies a hierarchy that I disagree with - that “natural birth” is the default or the goal, and everything else is somehow less. There is no “right” way to give birth, there’s just your birth - whatever combination of choices and circumstances it turns out to be.
I advocate for you
Advocating for someone can mean speaking in their place, and what matters more to me is helping you speak for yourself. Whether that’s naming the question you didn't know how to ask, noticing when you've gone quiet, or giving you words when your brain is somewhere else (fair enough - you're in labor). It’s my goal to help you find and use your own voice, not stand in for it.
Empower
This word can imply that you don’t have power until someone hands it to you, when really, you have it the whole time. What I can actually do is make space: for information, for a pause, for you to hear yourself think.
Active labor
Labor has its own vocabulary, and “early labor” and “active labor” are two common terms. Early labor refers to labor when your cervix is dilated from 0cm to just under 6cm, and active labor refers to labor when you're 6cm to 10cm dilated. Together, early and active labor make up the first of labor’s three (or four) stages - the others are pushing and delivery baby, delivering the placenta, and postpartum.
I'm not a fan of the phrase "active labor" because it implies that anything before it is minor or easy, which for a lot of people isn't true. When a distinction between early and active labor is genuinely useful, I'll use the 6cm mark as a descriptor instead.
Cervical ripening
There’s no shortage of terms used to describe pregnant and birthing people’s bodies that are … odd, and calling a cervix “ripe” is one of them (for me). I use soft and thin instead, which I find to be more specific and helpful.
Bottom line: The words I use are the ones that feel true to how I think about birth. It’s important to me that I use language that matches what I believe about your body, your labor, and your choices.