5 things people worry will bother their doula (and why they won’t)
A lot of people I work with worry something will make them look unprepared, difficult, or be judged. Sometimes it’s something they can name, and sometimes it’s a feeling in the back of their head that they can’t quite put into words. Here are five things I commonly hear people worry about, and the truth about each one.
“My doula will judge the choices I make”
I don’t have a preference or think there is a “right” way to give birth. My role is to make sure you have the time, space, and information you need to make the decisions that are right for your family - for example, how your baby arrives, how you want to handle pain management, and how you feed your baby once they’re here. I know that these choices are shaped by your medical history, lifestyle, and family dynamics, and they’re yours to make.
“My doula will be grossed out by labor”
Labor is a full-body event, and I’ve been in the room for all of it - the leaking, the noises, the moments where your body seems to be trying to embarrass you on purpose. If it happens, it happens, and I’m not going to react like it’s a big deal, because it isn’t.
“I can’t look like a mess when my doula shows up”
People sometimes worry about how they look (or smell) when I arrive - unwashed hair, food on their clothes, day three of the same sweatpants … the only thing I’m keeping track of is how you’re doing.
“It’s too much to call or text my doula in the middle of the night”
Whether you’re timing contractions at 2am, unsure if something’s normal, or just need to talk through something before you can settle - that’s what I’m here for. Middle-of-the-night texts and calls are a normal, expected part of this work.
“I can't change my mind about my birth plan”
I don’t hold anyone to birth preferences they wrote before they were actually in labor! People I’ve worked with have changed their minds on epidurals, interventions, and things they were completely sure about going in - sometimes more than once. Labor is unpredictable, and you’re responding to new information in real time.
Bottom line: there’s not a lot that can bother me. I want you to feel supported and able to show up however feels authentic to you. No judgment, ever (though I do reserve the right to have opinions about hospital cafeteria food).